


35 Ways to Say I Love You

by casandraderolo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, chloe has feeling okay?, chloe's dad sucks, implied/referenced child abandonment, michael and brooke are literally children, moon Jeremy, soft boyf riends, stars jake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-12-23 13:26:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casandraderolo/pseuds/casandraderolo
Summary: I want to write happier stories so give a number and a character/ship





	1. Requests

Yo, so I'm trying to write happier stories?? So if you want to give me a ship or a character, and a prompt, and I'll write a fic based on it

**Update: These will be open until I use every prompt or I choose to close them!!

* * *

 

 **35** **ways** **to** **say** **"** **I** **Love** **You** **"**  
**((** **Credit** **@trash-by-vouge** **on** **tumblr** **))**

 **1) As a hello**  
_2) With a hoarse voice, under the blankets // richjake_  
**3) A scream**  
**4) Over a cup of tea**  
**5) Over a beer bottle**  
**6) On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair**  
**7) As a thank you**  
**8) As an apology**  
_9) When baking chocolate chip cookies // pinkberry and platonic michael/brooke_  
**10) Not said to me**  
**11) With a shuddering gasp**  
**12) When we lay together on the fresh spring grass**  
_13) In a letter // deere_  
**14) A whisper in the ear**  
**15) Loud, so everyone can hear**  
**16) Over and over again, till it’s nothing but a senseless babble**  
_17) When the broken grass litters the floor // richjake_  
**18) From very far away**  
**19) With no space left between us**  
**20) As we huddle together, the storm raging outside**  
**21) Over your shoulder**  
_22) Muffled, from the other side of the door // jake/chloe_  
**23) Through a song**  
_24) Without really meaning it boyf riends_  
_25) In a blissful sigh as you fall asleep // boyf riends_  
 _26) Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave // boyf riends ((not yet written but I have three or four requests for it))_  
**27) A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips**  
**28) When I am dead**  
**29) Slowly, the words dripping from your tongue like honey**  
_30) Too quick, mumbled into your scarf // richjake_  
_31) In awe, the first time you realised it // deere_  
**32) In a way I can’t return**  
**33) On a** **post-it** **note**  
**34) Before we** **jump**  
**35) As a goodbye**


	2. Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you with a horse voice under the blankets // richjake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Magnus_at_theDisco1
> 
> Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abandonment

Jake Dillinger didn't have bad days.

 

Jake Dillinger didn't have any unresolved issues.

 

Jake Dillinger didn’t go home to an empty house at night.

 

Jake Dillinger didn't get lonely.

 

Jake Dillinger didn't spend days on end lying in bed.

 

Jake Dillinger didn't have bad days.

 

Jake Dillinger was fine.

 

“Jake, come in you need to get up.”

 

_ No, Rich, I don't. I'm fine. _

 

“Jake come on, we're gonna be late.”

 

_ No, Rich, I'm going to be late. Go its fine. _

 

“Jake, I'm not leaving until you do.”

 

_ Fine. Well I guess you're not leaving then. _

 

Jake didn't turn around when he heard a backpack land on the floor.

 

Jake didn't turn around when he heard someone shuffling.

 

He didn't turn around when he heard the sound of shoes hitting the hardwood floor of his bedroom.

 

Jake didn't turn around until he felt his comforter lift up and a dip in the bed next to him.

 

Jake didn't turn around because Jake didn't have bad days.

 

Jake was just tired.

 

He hadn't been crying for the last two days.

 

He hadn't been lying in bed for the past two days.

 

He hadn't felt like maybe, he should just off himself.

 

No, Jake was perfectly fine, he just didn't want to turn around.

 

“Jake.” 

 

“I'm fine Rich go away.”

 

“I can't. I love you too much”

 

_ Well, maybe you shouldn't love me at all, nobody else does. _

 

“That's not true Jakey.”

 

_ Fuck. _

 

“Yeah, well my parents don't seem too.”

 

“But I do. And Christine does, and so does Jeremy, and Michael, and Chloe, and Brooke, and Jenna, hell, even Dustin loves you man. There probably so worried right now, you never miss tuesdays. Tuesdays are play rehearsal. And sure, you're parents are absolute shit bags but, Michael's moms have practically taken you in at this point, and Dad, Mr. Heere Dad, never misses your games, and Jenna is a pretty great group mom if you ask me, some come on. Or not. We can lay here all day and watch garbage tv or binge watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine again, and make pancakes and waffles and pile them so high with whipped cream you can barely taste them. So… what do you say Jakey, want to spend the day being rebel teenagers and skip school?”

 

Jake laughed, it was rough and scratchy, and throat but it was still Jake's

 

“I love you Richie.”

 

“I love you too, Jakey. Now come on, we have an entire day to do whatever and that time isn't going to waste itself.”

 

Jake Dillinger liked to say he didn't have bad days.

 

But he did.

  
Only it was okay, because even though his parents were gone, he still had a family, a weird family, but a family nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these took forever but school just started and I should be writing my summer reading project that is due tomorrow, expect I haven't read the book for yet


	3. fearful thoughts and eternal promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you when the broken glass liters the floor // richjake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For heather_chxndler
> 
> Tw: Talks and kinda descriptions of Suicide // Implied/Referenced Domestic Abuse

Time stopped.

 

It froze and all he could do was look.

 

Rich looked at Jake’s face, eyes wide and full of shock and fear.

 

_The same fear that Mom always had in her eyes._

 

Rich looked down at his hands, shaking, yet frozen at the same time.

 

 _The same fear that Mom always gave towards_ **_him._ **

 

He looked from his hands the the glass mug, now broken on the title floor.

 

_The same fear that I have always known._

 

And suddenly he was eleven, and he was alone, at his childhood home, with it pale grey walls and hardwood floors, and perfectly positioned living room furniture, looking at the glass on the floor, that was now covered in blood, and there stood his mom.

 

His mom, who killed herself because of _him._

 

“It's your fault. You caused _this_.” She sneered pointing at her arm.

 

 _The same fear_ **_he_ ** _causes._

 

And then it wasn't Merilyn standing there it was Jake, his eyes sullen and dark, fear etched into them.

 

“Look what you did to me, Richie. You're just like him. You're just like _your father.”_

 

_I'm just like him._

 

_I'm just like Robert._

 

_I'm just like Dad._

 

“Rich, h-hey look at me.”

 

_No your not real, you're just going to show me what I did to you I know all your tricks._

 

“Rich, hey… it-it's okay…. _I'm okay._ I need to know if you're okay, Rich can you please look at me? Please?”

 

Rich opened his eyes fully expecting to be I'm his childhood home, with it's pale grey walls and hardwood floors, and perfectly positioned living room furniture except to his surprise and utter relief he was in his and Jake’s shared apartment, the kitchen to be exact, with its ugly eggshell colored walls covered in sticky notes, and their thrift store kitchen table, with its mismatched chairs, and collection of magnets on the fridge.

 

“Hey… Rich, can I touch you?”

 

Rich shook his head furiously bringing his hand closer to himself.

 

“I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“Oh Richie, it's okay. You're not going to hurt me. You are _nothing_ like him okay? I love you, it was an accident.”

 

“But w-what about w-when it happens again?”

 

“Richie… honey, it's not going to happen again. It's okay, I love you so much okay? So, so, so much.”

 

“You promise?”

  
“I promise”


	4. remembered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you said too quick mumbled into their scarf // richjake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For psychically_linked

Jake Dillinger could remember the Rich before he changed, even if nobody else did.

 

Jake remembered the way he smiled, gapped toothed and happy, and so unbelievably him.

 

Jake remembered the way he laughed, loud and obnoxious, but endearing and sweet.

 

Jake remembered the nervous habit he had if biting his lip, it was always worry bitten, but it made Rich, Rich.

 

There was a lot of things that Jake remembered about Rich before he changed.

 

Jake remembered falling in love with him.

 

Jake remembered telling Rich that he loved him, on the day before winter break during eighth grade, when they were walking home together.

 

Rich had been talking about the book that they had to read for English —Ashes _of Roses— and_  the cold air gave his cheeks a rosy tint, and his breath came out in puffs of white, and he looked so unbelievably beautiful, and he had said it without even thinking

 

Only it had came out muffled and soft —almost non-existent— and Rich just kept on talking.

 

Jake remembered a lot about Rich before he changed.

 

Jake remembered how much he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys as much as I love richjake, and think that there needs to be more fanfics of them, I would also love to write other ships!!


	5. sundays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you in a blissful sigh as they fall asleep // boyf riends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For i_am_NOT_french

Sundays were spent in bed, holding one another close, silently telling each other that they loved one another.

 

Jeremy spent the time silently clinging to Michael, begging, hoping, trying to show that he loved him, he loved him, and he was sorry and he never wanted to let go.

 

Michael spent the time, silently holding Jeremy, telling him it was alright, they were okay, and hoping, praying that this wasn't some dream, and he would wake up and everything was going to be back to the was it was.

 

“Hey, Michael?”

 

A whisper, barely heard over the sounds of their own heartbeats.

 

“Yeah, Jeremy?”

 

A soft murmur, almost as if it was just a breeze that flew in through the open living room windows

 

“I love you.”

 

A sigh, barely there as Jeremy fell asleep in Michael's arms.

 

Sundays were spent laying in bed, hold one another close telling each other how much they loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im crying?? This is so soft??


	6. my dearest moon, my lovely stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you in a letter // deere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lululablette
> 
> Moon Jeremy and Stars Jake

> Dearest Moon,

 

I do not know how to say,

That you are the one who takes my breath away.

 

I do not know what I would do,

If it were not for you.

 

I do not know how my life would be,

If it were not for you and me.

 

I do not know where my heart would belong,

If you had not come along.

 

My Moon,

I do not know why you make my heart swoon,

Though I do hope to see you soon.

 

Love from the Stars

 

.

.

.

 

> My Lovely Stars,

 

You needn't say,

I know how I take your breath away,

 

For do you not see, 

That you do the same for me?

 

You make me feel alive,

You are the one, that makes me want to survive.

 

You are the one who fills my heart,

Even when are apart.

 

My lovely Stars,

Can't you see that the night sky is solely ours?

It is my favorite by far.

 

All my love from the Moon

 

.

.

.

 

> My Dearest Moon,

 

Our night skies,

They reflect in your eyes.

 

And your eyes, 

they give my heart something to live by.

 

They way your laugh shines,

Reminds me of the Chicago skylines.

 

The light in your smile,

Gives me a reason to live for a little while.

 

My Moon,

I wish that it were June,

So I could hear you sing your pretty tune.

 

Your love, the Stars

 

.

.

.

 

> My Lovely Stars,
> 
>  

How lovely I truly think you are.

 

You always my life a reason,

To love through every season.

 

My Stars,

I truly need you to know,

How much I deeply love you so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like poetry and this makes me happy okay???


	7. baking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you, while baking chocolate chip cookies // pinkberry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For brookelohst

Chloe took baking very seriously.

Brooke, did not.

Chloe blamed it on the fact that Brooke spends too much time with Michael.

Brooke blamed it on the fact that Chloe spends too much time with Jeremy.

Either way, Brooke kept insisting that she only wanted to do specific parts of the dough make process.

Like cracking the eggs.

That was her favorite part.

And mixing.

Until her arms got tired and she made Chloe do the rest, expect, she didn't hand mix it, she used an electric mixer, which Brooke though was cheating, but whatever, she wasn't going to spend another ten minutes hand mixing when it would only take Betsy —Jeremy named it not her, although she had named the blender, Angela— five minutes.

“Why does it take so long for them to bake” Brooke whined as she leant back against the cabinets in front of the stove.

“Well, maybe if you and Michael didn't eat all the cookie dough whenever you tried to make cookies, you would get used to the wait.” Chloe laughed from her spot sitting cross legged on the counter.

“Well, maybe if you and Jeremy are the cookie dough instead of waiting for them to bake, you would have to wait at all!” Brooke countered.

“Sure, but then I wouldn't be able to see your face whenever I bring cookies for you at lunch.”

“I hate you, because you're right.”

“I love you too Brookie, don't worry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe is so ooc I'm sorry I don't know how to write her!!


	8. cookie dough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((platonic)) I love you while baking chocolate chip cookies // Brooke/Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For psychically_linked

Honestly, why either of them thought that the cookies were actually going to be made, was beyond them.

They got as far as making the dough before Brooke throw a handful of flour into Michael’s face.

The look on Michael’s face was enough payment for whatever whatever she knew Michael was planning.

“Oh you are so dead!” Michael yelled, throwing a handful of flour back at Brooke.

And so now there they were, sat on the floor Michael's flour covered kitchen, eating cookies dough out of a mixing bowl, after calling Jeremy to come help them clean up.

“Why does this always happens to us?” Michael asked, eating a spoonful of cookie dough.

“Because I actually really hate you?” Brooke suggested, dusting the flour out of Michael's hair.

“Don't lie, you totally love me.”

“Yeah, I do love you, you dork.”

 


	9. I Love You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you, in awe, the first time they realize it // deere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Pugle Bug

Jeremy was a fairly oblivious person when it came to his own feelings and how others felt about him.

And so, when he was listening to Jake talk about some baseball game —Jeremy had never understood the game, but he listened anyways— and he just let those three simple, ever so impactful words slip past his lips, he froze.

“Holy shit.”

“Did you just….”

“I-I did.”

Jake just sat and stared at Jeremy as he began to laugh.

“Holy shit! I love you!”

Jake watched him laugh, it was light and airy and so unbelievably happy, Jake couldn't help but laugh along.

“I love you, Jake Dillinger.”

“Well, you'll be happy to know I love you too, Jeremy Heere.”

 


	10. the wrong kind of 'i love you'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you, not really meaning it // boyf riends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For bringbackjasper

There was nothing more painful, than watching the one person you love, fall in love with someone on there than yourself.

There was nothing worse, than watching the one person you love, tell you that about how much they love someone else.

And to Michael, there was absolutely nothing worse than knowing that every time Jeremy told him, “I love you” he would never mean it in the way that he wanted it .

 


	11. parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you, muffled through a door // Jake/Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought somebody requested this but I guess not so I wrote this for myself then!
> 
> Tw: Child Abandonment ment. / Drug ment. / Suicide ment.

Jake knew something was wrong the moment he saw that Chloe wasn't in her seat  —third from the back and two rows from the window— during first period American Literature on Tuesday.

 

She had missed the day before, and not once had Jake seen Chloe Valentine miss two days of school in a row.

 

She couldn't, she had to keep up her reputation of being untouchable, perfect.

 

And rumors. 

 

Rumors that were already starting to flow before the end of period bell rang at first period.

 

_ [Private Message from Tall.and.NonBi to callmejakey] _

 

**Tall.and.NonBi:** yo, did you hear the rumors?

**callmejakey:** rumors?

**Tall.and.NonBi:** yeah, the ones about Chloe

**callmejakey:** no?

**Tall.and.NonBi:** dude, talk to Brooke, she’ll tell you everything

 

Jake looked up looking towards the teacher, who was grading papers at his desk

 

_ [Private Message between BrookieCookie and callmejakey] _

 

**callmejakey:** what's going on with Chlo?

**BrookieCookie:** She hasn't returned any of my texts the past two days

**BrookieCookie:** And there rumors beginning to fly and they're worring me.

**BrookieCookie:** Somebody said that she had killed herself.

**BrookieCookie;** Another said that she was doing drugs at some club in New York.

**BrookieCookie** : Like, I know they aren't true, but I'm still worried, you know?

**callmejakey:** yeah, I know brooke. I'll take care of it just don't stress too much

 

And that's how Jake ended up leaving class early, to go the the nurse's office, complaining of a killer migraine and leaving school to run to Chloe's mom's house.

 

It was a typical, suburb cookie cutter house, with two floors, a basement, and a connected garage. It was a pale blue, with a white door and a white railing on the wrap-around porch. The driveway was brick, and the pale red stood out starkly against the blue of the house, and the bright green grass.

 

Jake walked up to the front door, reaching above the door for the broken siding and pulling the spare key out from behind it.

 

Jake walked into the home to silence.

 

“Chloe?” He called out, hearing nothing in response.

 

He climbed the stairs to the upstairs hallway, hearing muffled sobs coming from behind Chloe’s bedroom door.

 

“Chloe?” Jake asked hesitantly.

 

“Go away Jake.”

 

Jake ran a hand through his hair, and sliding down the door so that he's sitting with his back against the door.

 

“Chloe… you weren’t in class today, and you won't respond to anybody. Chloe… what's wrong.

 

Chloe scoffed, although it was muffled by the door.

 

“What's wrong? What's wrong is parents who say they love you and then, they leave, never to be heard from again,” Chloe snapped hitting  her bedroom door. “And then, they come back, and you think maybe, just maybe, things will be okay again, and then he brings you back to your mom's house and you can't even call him because you know if you do you're going to have a breakdown, but you do it anyways, because you loved him, and then you tell him about how you almost killed yourself and he laughs at you. So you want to know what's wrong Jake? It's dad's who say they love you, but you know they dont. You know they don't love you anymore… so you're just stuck. Stuck, and you feel like nobody loves you, and all you want to do is stay in bed forever, and hey, if you die that's fine, because you don't care anymore.” Chloe's voice great quiet, quiet like she didn't want  anybody to hear. “If my own dad can't even love me, then who can?” 

 

“I can,” Jake whispered. “I can love you Chloe, because, I do love you. I love you Chloe Valentine, and sure your dad is gone, but so is mine and we can deal with this together, okay?”

 

“Yeah… okay…”

 

Jake stood up as Chloe opened her bedroom door and wrapped her arms around his chest.

 

“Hey Jake?”

 

“Yeah, Chloe?”

 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s. this is also a vent fic so ayyyye
> 
> Also Tall.and.Nonbi is Dustin bc I have this very specific headcanon of them being non-binary and Jake's first romantic partner
> 
> *Edit btw this is set during their sophmore year so... Yeah!


	12. sorry...

So, I'm ending this, because it's been a while and I just don't have the motivation to write these anymore.

I may come back to them later, but I don't know if I will.

And again I'm sorry, I just don't want to write these anymore!

Sorry!

-jake

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
